RELATIONSHIPS- Why are they so difficult?

Relationships! People in relationships want to get out of it and those who aren’t in one, want to experience it no matter what! What a predicament. So many posts, books and discussions have taken place on this subject but hardly anyone has cracked it. These days relationships be it friendship or marriages seem to last as long a new mobile phone. You are tired of it the moment the new model is out.

This is a question I guess that many people must be asking. And you know what? I have no idea as to what the answer is. Being from the medical field I’ve seen that relationships here are supposed to be a 5 year deal.You join the college, find a partner, go around till the end of the course & then get married to someone else. The only problem is that one of the partners wouldnt be knowing about the deal & so ends up being betrayed. People might not like what I am saying but they know its the truth.This is the age where you see so many people getting into relationships just for the EXPERIENCE. After one year experience its time to look at greener pastures. But dont get me wrong because among all these people there’ll be that one sweet loving romantic couple, THE COUPLE.The couple who’ll just make you say “Oh I wish I could have what they have” and Im not talking about the ice cream that they are feeding each other.Then what makes this couple different from the others.

1)LOVE :They are obviously in love with each other…..inspite of each other.That’s the big difference.No two people can be the same. There are those who say “They are made for each other coz they are exactly alike” WHAT RUBBISH!!! How can two people be exactly the same & even if they are then what is the point of being with them because its like looking at your self in the mirror, always talking like you, always doing what you want,always knowing what to expect because well….he/she is EXACTLY LIKE YOU! Where will be the surprise element, the suspense that’ll keep a relationship going? Wouldnt it all be just boring? But at the same time it also doesnt mean that 2 completely different people will celebrate their diamond jubilee wedding anniversary just because someone says that opposites attract. Yes opposites may attract but they cant blend…. I would imagine that it would be really really tough to be with someone who is nothing like you. So in the end it all comes to how much you LOVE your partner.
2)EXPECTATIONS– “I dont expect anything from you,i just love you no matter what” How many times have you heard this in movies as well as real life. Mind you there’s absolutely no harm in saying this IF in fact you actually mean it. But the problem is that most often you do expect something or the other from your loved one & when you dont get it you feel that you arent COMPATIBLE. Expectations are natural, if you dont expect from the one you love who else would you expect from? Your boss? your gardener?
3)TALK: Talking to your partner.Anybody can say “I love you”… people say that to their dogs too.But you have to talk more than that to keep your relationship going.Talk about your day, discuss about your problems, talk abt your EXPECTATIONS because your partner cant always guess what you want,  so that when you talk about what you want you’ll solve point number 2. Along with the talking there is nothing wrong in doing something special once in a while for your loved one too. Surprise him/her, make your partner feel special, appreciate the good stuff in him/her.I feel it would go a long way in making the relationship stronger.
4)COMPATIBILITY: Again related to point number 2. What exactly does it mean to be compatible? For most people it means something that should come naturally but I beg to differ. Compatibility in a relationship means to ADJUST! Its all about adjusting to your partner. In an ideal world both the individuals in a relationship are equally understanding & adjusting but well this isnt an ideal world so atleast one of the two has to try & go that extra mile for the other. One of the two has to adjust to the mood swings, the temper of the other so that things dont get out of hand.Like i was telling a friend of mine the other day that living with me wouldnt be easy & the one who does will have to have a lot of patience to do so

And if infact you do manage to do all these things and walk the aisle then the next question would be what makes a marriage work?
Simple…1234! Well atleast you would think that, won’t you? But here again there are a few problems. How many times have you heard of couples who’ve been going around for 4 years but suddenly find themselves incompatible soon after they are married…Lets go through the points again
1)LOVE : No time for love because many couples feel that now that they have each other they can focus on their careers.And in doing so they lose the closeness that they shared before marriage which will eventually lead to the “You have changed after marriage” syndrome. So whether before or after marriage NEVER TAKE YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED.
2)EXPECTATIONS: When you’re just a couple your expectations are different from that when you’re married.Something in your partner which seemed cute when you were going around might just seem plain irritating once you start living with him.Doesnt mean that you have to pack your bag & run away.Ill add to this in point number 4.
3)TALK : Just because you are married doesnt mean that anything about this point has to change. Infact this holds even more true once you’re married so that there is no shortage of romance in the relationship so Ill keep this point exactly the same.
4)COMPATIBILITY: This according to me is the most important one.While you’re dating, if you have a fight with your partner-you’re really angry-you’ll go back to your respective homes-after some time you’ll start missing each other-he/she msgs saying “I miss you so much honey” & PROBLEM SOLVED!
But once you’re married & are living together.You have a fight-you’ll ignore each other-you see him/her in the living room watching TV which makes you even more angry because it means that he/she doesnt care-you go to the kitchen or bedroom & somehow accidentally drop a few vessels or slam the door which obviously makes a lot of noise ,which makes him/her mad because apparently he/ she is doing it on purpose….& VOILA! DIVORCE….because we are not compatible!

So the solution is there for all to see. Its just whether we want to go that extra mile or not to keep our relationship intact!


  1. Nice article, i thoroughly enjoyed reading it!. I would like to add to what you have said. I believe in the end analysis, what you get out of a relationship depends how much you put into it. Never let the sun set on your anger. Develop common interests and common activities you can do together. It is as important to listen as it is to talk.Do little things that show that u care…put a love note on the mirror or in his lunch box… And most importantly, let your love be unconditional. Somebody, speaking about Neville and me once told me ,”Maybe they won’t write songs or novels about your love story but i can see you two, fifty years later still holding hands looking into each other’s eyes with as much devotion and love as u had the first time you met.” At the end, that’s what matters isn’t it?

  2. Lot of knowledge abt relationships man… cool.. with the first line only i knew the person who was pestering u to write… hehe… nice article.. good…

  3. Ryan…. Good Blend of thought provoking statements and humor. Your articles rejuvinates my mind when im at work. Good going buddy…

    @Kevin May i have the priviledge of knowing secretly who was the person who pesterd him?? You know everything happening in and around Manglore..

  4. im pleasantly surprised and impressed with the depth and maturity i see when i read this.. 🙂 look slike u have it all figured out…
    she’s gonna b one lucky gal 😉

  5. Makes people wonder, will a marriage or even a prolonged relationship ever work! I think, the problem with relationships is too much money and independence. These two make people think that they deserve much better, and often make them see worser things and settle down single at the end! If only people depended on each other without economic independence, things might have been better – like the olden days. But, in retrospective, its better to learn certain truths by experience as well. Like how you seem to have done 🙂

Leave a Reply to Ryan Cancel reply