Good Morning my dear brothers & sisters of my brothers. I am Baba…. Baba HaramDev. I am your friendly neighbourhood Godman. And today I have been asked to preach to you all about why Crimes against women are on the rise & I will tell you exactly how to tackle the issue & keep our lovely..I mean innocent women safe. Ofcourse Im uneducated, uncivil & I have the mannerisms of a pig in your farm or the one on your plate but you guys should learn from me because its people like me who can keep our women safe.
First & foremost let me tell you that education sucks! That’s right, why do you need educate yourselves when you have Godmen like me who can tell you exactly what God wants! I always teach the women in my Ashram the famous song “We don’t need no education” by my favourite band – PINK FLOYD. After all why would anyone want to be just another brick in the wall? Right? Education is Government’s conspiracy to fool you into wasting your hard earned money. In my Ashram I will bestow upon you all the knowledge you need! My knowledge will penetrate your every depth of ignorance in every woman.
I am a Godman. As in God directly speaks time. All you educated people call it schizophrenia but then what you don’t know is that God works in mysterious ways. I wake up every morning & pray while you embiciles go about your daily chores & make money just to look after your families & send your children to good schools. I make money just for my sake & my happiness. Because when Im happy I work better & when I work better you all benefit from it. For example today God himself spoke to me like he does so many times! He asked me to get into bed with a poor uneducated woman & she will be blessed with riches to look after her family. Since she is uneducated & the Government is busy brushing aside so many scams I am her only hope. It’s a big pain in the ass for me but I have to do it because its for the betterment of the woman. Once I am satisfied…I mean once I feel she is blessed, I will let her free!
I am a man of non violence. I advice women to always be tolerant towards men. If a man grabs one of your butt cheeks in a crowded bus don’t be alarmed my dear women. Men unlike me are creatures of instinct. What we do need not have an explanation. Let him just continue with what he’s doing. Don’t be afraid to show the other cheek. You will be blessed.
One very important thing women should know is to never leave their homes at night. That is very unwomanly behaviour. Why simply risk being raped? If you are outside at night it means that you are a woman of loose morals & then obviously you cant blame a man who rapes you,you deserve to to be raped! Instead you can spend the night with me, the safest place on earth. God will be a witness when I take advantage of you but since its God’s will & you will be showered with his blessings which is the most important thing in your life.
Do not wear revealing clothes. Because it tempts all men except me. That’s why you are free to do it only in my Ashram. Why tempt the men into raping you & then blame the men? Haven’t you heard that MEN WILL BE MEN! See I never studied that, I was blessed with that knowledge from God himself!
And finally call all your potential rapists “Brother” except me. That’s a sure shot way to procure your safety. Inspite of that if he rapes you then probably you were wearing revealing clothes or you were out alone at night or you objected to a man groping you or most importantly you were not with me at the time of the rape. So its all your fault. So stop blaming the poor man.
Footnote:This was a satire probably not in the best taste but just wanted to get the point across. Yes it’s the men who are the ones responsible for the crimes against women but things will never improve till we have:
1.Education for both men &women
This blog is a contribution to INDIBLOGGER.IN’S initiative #CrimesAgainstWomen